How did Hellen Keller lose her arm?
She tried to read a stop sign.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
Rearrange the furniture.

Did you hear about that really heavy rain in Binghamton?
It was coming down like Britney Spears' record sales!

Why did the blonde cross the road?
To get to Dick's.

Why do lesbians shop at Gander Mountain?
Because they don't like Dick's.

What do you call a lesbian platypus?
Lickalotopus.

What do you call a gay dinosaur?
Mega-sore-ass.

Did you hear about the blonde who was learning to drive?
She couldn't figure out why the domelight wouldn't shut off, so her dad got out of the car, went around, and shut the door.

Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
So she can moan with the other.

Why does Helen Keller have holes in her face?
She tried eating with a fork.

How did Helen Keller burn the side of her face?
She tried answering the iron.

How did she burn the other side?
They called back.

How did she burn her face?
She was bobbing for French fries.

What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
Nothing! They never meet!

What do Michael Jackson and a plastic bag have in common?
They're both made of plastic and are dangerous for children.

Did you hear? The Energizer Bunny got sent to jail!
He was charged with battery.

What do a hooker and a bungee cord have in common?
They're both cheap and fast, and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.

Read this out loud:
Alpha Kenny Body.

What do a cowboy, a rock guitarist and a blonde have in common?
They all like to spread their legs apart.