here is one I nicked out of the paper and converted it for you ALL:
Andy: Operator I want an Ambualnce
Operator: What is wrong caller
Andy: She Who will remain nameless is dead, i shot her!
Operator: Are You sure caller, please check
Andy: Ok I will double check .......... BANG, Yes Operator she is dead!
It is a good thing to be trained, However, Trained is a bad word because that is one thing YOU must not be! You have got to look at each thing Afresh, and wonder how you could approach it!
Two Aussies walking through the Bush
One had a Sheep under each arm pit
The other says "Are you Shearing mate"?
"No" came the response "I'm going shag them both myself "! hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hey great keep em coming i cant stop laughing,,love em all
the australian got lost,,ive heard we aussies always get lost in paris ha ha ha ha ha ,,my wife wnet there and got lost ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
A QUANTAS plane was in trouble!
"MAy day, Mayday" the Pilot radioed!
The Tower responded that they had cleared the stack, and the runway. Then Air Traffic Control asked the Pilot
"Can you give us your height, and position"
The pilot responded " Well, I'm 5'3" and I 'm sitting in the front of the plane"! Hahahahahahahahahahaha
What about the Fenchman and the Australian, who both jumped off the Eiffel Tower?
The Frenchman was killed instantly, and the Australian got lost! hahahahahahahaha
A Brit goes to the Blue Mountainsand finds a small township. He said to the Police Officer " My this is a quiet place!
The Police Officer replied "Yes Sir it is a really quiet place, We have not burried a living soul for years"! hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Lindsay and Patrisha are walking down the Reaper Bahn/Gross Farenhiet in Hamburg, Germany. Patrisha decides to go into a SEX SHOP, so Lindsay follows.
Patrisha: Shop owner I want to buy a big dildo!
Lindsay: Are you sure Patrisha
Patrisha: Sure I am, it is the only way I am likely to get it these days!
Lindsay: OK if you are sure then let the man show you his selection.
Shop Owner: Well Madam, I take it that you and your special friend will like this selection.
The Shop Keeper arranges a selection on the counter for the girls to choose from. Patrisha works her way along the selection from small to large, and on each occasion she exclaimed "This one is Tooooooooooooooo small"
Shop Owner: BUT the 18" (500 mm) is the largest one that we have, and I am surprised that you think that it is small!
Patrishia: Shop owner I want that BIG RED one on the wall!
Shop Owner: I am sorry madam, but you can not have that, it is not for sale!
Patrisha: But Shop owner I demand that you sell it me!
Shop Owner: No madam, I am truley sorry, BUT you can not have it!
Patrisha: NO SHOP OWNER I really demand you sell me that Big Red one!
Shop Owner: Madam I can not sell you that BIG RED item, as it is a FIRE EXTINGUISHER! hahahahahahaha
Lindsay and Patrisha were walking down the street
Patrisha: I think that I want bigger boobs!
Lindsay: Are you Sure, that you want bigger boobs?
Patrisha: Of course I do, do How can I do it?
Lindsay: Have you tried rubbing Toilet Paper (tissue) on your breasts?
Patrisha: What do you mean rubbing Toilet Paper on my breasts?
Lindsay: Well, it must work!
Patrisha: How do you mean it must work
Lindsay: Well, it must work, as your Arse is huge!
I went for a drink with a friend. He thinks that he is god's gift to women, (even though he has no chance). Anyway we are at the bar drinking and chatting. THEN a drop dead gorgeous woman, walks in with curves in al the right places, long blond hair with blue eyes, that were that deep, you could drown in them! She looks around the bar, and my mate says he reckons he has a chance!
Eventually the woman comes to the bar where we are, and askes where the Ladies (bathroom) was. My friend said right over there, in a aleged sexy voice!
A while latter, the woman comes out, and makes her way over to where we are. My mate still reckons that he has a chance! The woman sidles over to us, and right up to my mate who had a beaming smile. My mate starts to chuckle quietly. When the woman faces my mate, and then starts to stroke his beard. My mate starts to really smile. Then the woman says "My man, please tell the landlord that there is NO paper in the ladies", and then walks out! hahahahahahahaha
A selfmade limerick about the pigbeast. Thats great.
Reminds me of the time the dinosaur dissappeared from the face of the earth.
You know why?
Thats why:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ft9Ix39uezo&feature=related
the was a man from the usa
who had a pigbeast that was g a y
he rented it to a man from wales
who hammered it like nails
and the guy from the usa
he didint get any rent or pay
so he hunted him with a gun
becaus he wasnt gettin none
OF THE PIGBEAST THAT IS
why did i cross the road,,,-- to get to the vagina ha ha ha ha
why did the pigbeast cross the road---- i dont know 82 has the answer for that
how many gimps does it take to change a light buld,,none the sun will come up soon,,,
how many 82's does it take to change a light bulb--- none the bar staff will do it
I know one about a piece of ham on the head, but it may well get removed!
One day I was out with a mate and saw a dog licking his balls. My mate said " I wish that I could do that" I said give him a biscuit and he may let you" hahahahahahahahahahahaha
Risposte
here is one I nicked out of the paper and converted it for you ALL:
Andy: Operator I want an Ambualnce
Operator: What is wrong caller
Andy: She Who will remain nameless is dead, i shot her!
Operator: Are You sure caller, please check
Andy: Ok I will double check .......... BANG, Yes Operator she is dead!
--
Number 1
i went to a fancy dress party with a potatoe hollowed out on my ol fella,,when asked what i was i said ..im a dictator
--
gimpnoid
http://www.metalofoz.com/
It is a good thing to be trained, However, Trained is a bad word because that is one thing YOU must not be! You have got to look at each thing Afresh, and wonder how you could approach it!
So Girls!
--
Number 1
Hey Gimp, is this forum just for us pair , or is it open to the other Oznoids?
I went to a fancy dress party the other week. I wore a condom on my nose!
When asked what I came as I replied "f*** nose"
--
Number 1
hey hey thats a new zealand joke-----
a indian walks into a hotel and says
i have a reservation
--
gimpnoid
http://www.metalofoz.com/
Two Aussies walking through the Bush
One had a Sheep under each arm pit
The other says "Are you Shearing mate"?
"No" came the response "I'm going shag them both myself "! hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
--
Number 1
hey great keep em coming i cant stop laughing,,love em all
the australian got lost,,ive heard we aussies always get lost in paris ha ha ha ha ha ,,my wife wnet there and got lost ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
--
gimpnoid
http://www.metalofoz.com/
A QUANTAS plane was in trouble!
"MAy day, Mayday" the Pilot radioed!
The Tower responded that they had cleared the stack, and the runway. Then Air Traffic Control asked the Pilot
"Can you give us your height, and position"
The pilot responded " Well, I'm 5'3" and I 'm sitting in the front of the plane"! Hahahahahahahahahahaha
--
Number 1
What about the Fenchman and the Australian, who both jumped off the Eiffel Tower?
The Frenchman was killed instantly, and the Australian got lost! hahahahahahahaha
--
Number 1
Have you heard about the Australian parachute?
It opens on Impact! hahahahahahahahahahaha
--
Number 1
This one was sent to my mobil and could be converted like anything else!
Why have Seagulls got wings?
To beat the gypsies to the tip!
--
Number 1
yep give em up mate,,i need a laugh
--
gimpnoid
http://www.metalofoz.com/
I got some more if you want them?
--
Number 1
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
--
gimpnoid
http://www.metalofoz.com/
A Brit goes to the Blue Mountainsand finds a small township. He said to the Police Officer " My this is a quiet place!
The Police Officer replied "Yes Sir it is a really quiet place, We have not burried a living soul for years"! hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
--
Number 1
How do you spot an Irish Pirate?
He is the one with patches over both eyes!
--
Number 1
Lindsay and Patrisha are walking down the Reaper Bahn/Gross Farenhiet in Hamburg, Germany. Patrisha decides to go into a SEX SHOP, so Lindsay follows.
Patrisha: Shop owner I want to buy a big dildo!
Lindsay: Are you sure Patrisha
Patrisha: Sure I am, it is the only way I am likely to get it these days!
Lindsay: OK if you are sure then let the man show you his selection.
Shop Owner: Well Madam, I take it that you and your special friend will like this selection.
The Shop Keeper arranges a selection on the counter for the girls to choose from. Patrisha works her way along the selection from small to large, and on each occasion she exclaimed "This one is Tooooooooooooooo small"
Shop Owner: BUT the 18" (500 mm) is the largest one that we have, and I am surprised that you think that it is small!
Patrishia: Shop owner I want that BIG RED one on the wall!
Shop Owner: I am sorry madam, but you can not have that, it is not for sale!
Patrisha: But Shop owner I demand that you sell it me!
Shop Owner: No madam, I am truley sorry, BUT you can not have it!
Patrisha: NO SHOP OWNER I really demand you sell me that Big Red one!
Shop Owner: Madam I can not sell you that BIG RED item, as it is a FIRE EXTINGUISHER! hahahahahahaha
--
Number 1
Lindsay and Patrisha were walking down the street
Patrisha: I think that I want bigger boobs!
Lindsay: Are you Sure, that you want bigger boobs?
Patrisha: Of course I do, do How can I do it?
Lindsay: Have you tried rubbing Toilet Paper (tissue) on your breasts?
Patrisha: What do you mean rubbing Toilet Paper on my breasts?
Lindsay: Well, it must work!
Patrisha: How do you mean it must work
Lindsay: Well, it must work, as your Arse is huge!
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
--
Number 1
what disease does a straight women get
SLIPADICKTOME
--
gimpnoid
http://www.metalofoz.com/
that ones funny mate,,,,
--
gimpnoid
http://www.metalofoz.com/
What Operation does a Lesbian have?
A strapondycktomy!
--
Number 1
I went for a drink with a friend. He thinks that he is god's gift to women, (even though he has no chance). Anyway we are at the bar drinking and chatting. THEN a drop dead gorgeous woman, walks in with curves in al the right places, long blond hair with blue eyes, that were that deep, you could drown in them! She looks around the bar, and my mate says he reckons he has a chance!
Eventually the woman comes to the bar where we are, and askes where the Ladies (bathroom) was. My friend said right over there, in a aleged sexy voice!
A while latter, the woman comes out, and makes her way over to where we are. My mate still reckons that he has a chance! The woman sidles over to us, and right up to my mate who had a beaming smile. My mate starts to chuckle quietly. When the woman faces my mate, and then starts to stroke his beard. My mate starts to really smile. Then the woman says "My man, please tell the landlord that there is NO paper in the ladies", and then walks out! hahahahahahahaha
--
Number 1
arh the linkmaster strikes agin ha ha ha
what do you call a lesbian dinosaur
lickalotapuss
what do you call a blind dinasaur
didyathinkhesawus
--
gimpnoid
http://www.metalofoz.com/
A selfmade limerick about the pigbeast. Thats great.
Reminds me of the time the dinosaur dissappeared from the face of the earth.
You know why?
Thats why:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ft9Ix39uezo&feature=related
why did the plane crash??
.
.
.
.
'cuz the pilot was a loaf of bread!!
--
♥(Simpi)♥
--Ozzy rox 4 eva!!--
lol that one is finny!!
--
♥(Simpi)♥
--Ozzy rox 4 eva!!--
the was a man from the usa
who had a pigbeast that was g a y
he rented it to a man from wales
who hammered it like nails
and the guy from the usa
he didint get any rent or pay
so he hunted him with a gun
becaus he wasnt gettin none
OF THE PIGBEAST THAT IS
--
gimpnoid
http://www.metalofoz.com/
A limerick so not a joke but:
There was once a woman from Bude
Who went for a swim in the nude
A bloke in a punt
Stuck a pole in her ...ear
and said this lakes Private!
hahahahahahahahahahahaha
--
Number 1
fine by me
--
gimpnoid
http://www.metalofoz.com/
She was only the carpet fitters daughter, but she knew about underlay!
She was only the bankers daughter ......................... sorry silly again! hahahahahahahaha
--
Number 1
sillyness is my specialty
--
gimpnoid
http://www.metalofoz.com/
She was only the Cornels daughter, but she knew what Reggie Meant
She was only the fishmongers daughter, She would lay it on the slab and a Fillet
She was only the Grave Diggers daughter, but would lay under any old sod
She was only the Pilots daughter, and kept her c**kpit clean
She was only the chicken farmers daughter but knew how to pullit
She was only ..................... no this is getting very silly!
--
Number 1
why did i cross the road,,,-- to get to the vagina ha ha ha ha
why did the pigbeast cross the road---- i dont know 82 has the answer for that
how many gimps does it take to change a light buld,,none the sun will come up soon,,,
how many 82's does it take to change a light bulb--- none the bar staff will do it
--
gimpnoid
http://www.metalofoz.com/
thats a funny joke about hellen kellers parents punishing her!!
what happened to the gay magician??
It dissapeared with a poof!!
--
♥(Simpi)♥
--Ozzy rox 4 eva!!--
Why did the vagina cross the road?
To get to Dick's.
Why do lesbians shop at Gander Mountain?
'Cause they don't like Dick's.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
Rearrange the furniture.
How did Helen Keller lose her arm?
She tried to read a stop sign.
my thyroids are very evil,,i would kik the s*** out of them, but that would be hard,,can anyone help me
--
gimpnoid
http://www.metalofoz.com/
My Liver IS
Evil
It must be
Punished!
--
Number 1
My mate came back from Sydney
And All he brought me
Was this Lousey
T Shirt!
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, it could be anywhere really could it not!
--
Number 1
what did batman say to robin before he got int the batcar-------- get in the batcar robin
--
gimpnoid
http://www.metalofoz.com/
thats a cool one andy ha ha ha tell us the ham joke,,theres only one person here who flags people ,,dont worry you wont get flagged from that person
--
gimpnoid
http://www.metalofoz.com/
I know one about a piece of ham on the head, but it may well get removed!
One day I was out with a mate and saw a dog licking his balls. My mate said " I wish that I could do that" I said give him a biscuit and he may let you" hahahahahahahahahahahaha
--
Number 1
hey andy i also seen you standing on the corner scratching your left ear with your right foot ha ha ha ha ha
--
gimpnoid
http://www.metalofoz.com/
yep andy but you forgot this one
what do you call a gimp with sugar on his head--- sweet fuk all
--
gimpnoid
http://www.metalofoz.com/
Gimpnoid, you said it, hahahahahaha
Anyway, Gimpnoid, I thought that I saw your name on the side of a loaf (of bread)
Then I realised that it said "Thick Cut" hahahahahahahahahahahhahaha
How about that one then?
--
Number 1
im a funny joke
--
gimpnoid
http://www.metalofoz.com/